I once sat across from a colleague who possessed every credential imaginable—advanced degrees, impeccable analytical skills, a mind that could dissect complex problems with surgical precision. Yet something was missing. Despite their intellectual brilliance, they struggled to connect, to inspire, to navigate the delicate human dynamics that make or break every meaningful endeavour.
It was then I understood a profound truth: success isn’t just about what we know, but how we feel, how we understand others’ feelings, and how we weave these emotional threads into our daily interactions.
The Four Pillars of Emotional Wisdom
Psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer mapped emotional intelligence as four interconnected branches:
Perceiving emotions—our ability to identify emotions in ourselves and others. I began with a simple practice: pausing three times daily to ask, “What am I feeling right now?” Set gentle reminders on your phone to simply notice and name your emotional experience.
Using emotions to facilitate thought—harnessing emotions as allies rather than obstacles. During a challenging project, my anxiety nearly paralysed me. Instead of fighting it, I asked: “What is this anxiety telling me?” It highlighted areas needing preparation. When you feel strong emotion about a decision, ask: “What wisdom might this feeling contain?”
Understanding emotions—grasping how feelings develop and evolve. I practise “emotional archaeology”—weekly reflection on significant emotional experiences, tracing their evolution through journaling. Try noting not just what happened in your day, but how you felt and how those feelings influenced your actions.
Managing emotions—developing a mature relationship with our emotional life. I learned this after years of mistakenly believing management meant suppression. It’s more like tending a garden than operating a machine. Try the “pause and breathe” technique—three conscious breaths before responding to intense emotion.
The Research Speaks Volumes
TalentSmart’s studies reveal that 90% of top performers possess high emotional intelligence, with EQ accounting for 58% of success across all job types. The leaders I’ve most admired weren’t necessarily the highest IQ in the room, but they possessed an uncanny ability to understand the human element of every situation.
The World Economic Forum identifies emotional intelligence among the top 10 job skills required for 2025 and beyond. As artificial intelligence handles complex analytical tasks, our uniquely human capacity for emotional understanding becomes irreplaceable.
Your Next Steps
Start with “empathy exercises.” In your next conversation, focus entirely on understanding the other person’s emotional experience rather than formulating your response. Notice the tone behind their words, the energy in their posture.
Practise “emotional curiosity“—when someone responds unreasonably, ask: “What might they be feeling that would make this response make sense?” This shift from judgement to curiosity transforms relationships.
Step outside your emotional comfort zone. Read literature that takes you into different emotional worlds, engage with people whose backgrounds differ from yours.
In moments of quiet contemplation, I’ve come to understand that emotional intelligence isn’t something we achieve—it’s something we cultivate, day by day, interaction by interaction. It’s found in our willingness to pause before reacting, to listen for the emotion beneath someone’s words, to acknowledge our vulnerability while maintaining strength.
The science is clear— when it comes to success in life and work, emotional intelligence matters more than IQ. But perhaps even more importantly than being a cornerstone of ‘success’, it determines the quality of our relationships, our self-understanding, and our ability to contribute meaningfully to the world.
The journey begins with willingness to pay attention to the emotional dimension of your experience. Start today. Notice. Listen. Reflect.
