Let me ask you a question: is your life a congruent life? Are all the different parts in harmony—do they fit together? Or, is your life littered with inconsistencies?
The reality is that most of us live with inconsistencies. Life is complex and full of competing expectations. To survive under these pressures, you find ways to fit in—’to be all things to everyone’, to please everyone, to let no one down.
And, it’s in finding a way to fit in that you open the door to inconsistency.
In an attempt to please everyone, you adjust your values, your belief systems, your personality—maybe only a little tweak here or there, but enough to ensure that you become different people in different situations.
But if you’re a different person in different situations, you can never live a congruent life—you will always have a life littered with inconsistency. You will never live your real life.
It can be hard to admit that the various aspects of your life are inconsistent—to accept that the person you are at work is not the person you are at home, or at church, or down the pub. No one likes to confess that their life is not 100% the genuine article.
But unless you accept and acknowledge those areas of your life that compete and conflict with each other, you will never find harmony. And without harmony, you will always be at war with yourself, never free to live the life you were made for.
I spent years playing different parts, depending on the situation I was in. And it sucked.
In the office I was the hard, cold, serious, calculated person. In my family I was the loving, fun, adventurous person. In church I was the clean, spiritual, devoted person.
In reality, I was none of those people.
Day after day I lived multiple lives—wearing masks and presenting personas that gave people what they wanted, without ever giving them the real me.
And then, one day, the lid blew off. All the stress from living multiple lives poured forth. What little energy I had left to keep switching masks ebbed away; I couldn’t do it anymore.
I was left with a stark realisation: I had no idea who I was—at least, not who I really was.
What followed was painful soul searching as I questioned every area of my life:
Where was I trying to fit in, rather than simply finding myself fitting in without effort?
What situations made me feel uncomfortable? Why?
Where had I said or done things that just hadn’t felt right?
Where did I feel most at home, most comfortable, most relaxed?
What realities and secrets did I keep hidden, out of fear or shame?
What was my soul yearning to cry out, that my head fought to keep locked inside?
As I found answers, lie after lie that I had been living was exposed.
With each lie exposed, a hidden truth about ‘the real me’ was revealed. Slowly, as I pieced together each truth, I began to construct a new persona—a single persona for every situation. And bit by bit, the authentic me began to come alive.
Is my life now 100% the genuine article? No. I am a work-in-progress, and I probably always will be. I still ask myself those questions and each time, I expose new lies and uncover new truths.
So, what about you? Is yours a congruent life, or are there inconsistencies buried deep inside?
Work through those questions for yourself. Search out the lies and release the truths. Wage war on the inconsistencies and allow the authentic you—the 100% genuine article—to come alive.
You get one shot at life, don’t waste it trying to be anyone other than who you really are.
